“It doesn’t interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.”

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

You cannot have peace of mind or have a healthy business if you don’t trust yourself.

Trusting yourself is having a true sense of who you are, clarity about what you want and the presence of mind to honour yourself.

At times the pressure from being in business and just living itself, can cause you to make decisions you can’t really stand over. Not trusting yourself enough can leave you out on a limb because you’ve compromised yourself.

Say you’re negotiating a big contract- Don’t you need to be rock steady to make the best deal for you?

Not trusting yourself is not unusual; self-trust is something we build up over our lifetime, through our experiences and by consciously working towards it.

Why is self-trust so vital?

When we don’t trust ourselves enough, we lack a core reference point from which to operate. We may lose our sense of ourselves and ebb and flow according to other’s agendas. A small example of this is, once I agreed to accept payment from a client by cheque versus by standing order. I got burned by not being paid on time, month after month. When all is said and done I exposed myself unnecessarily. Ultimately no one was served.

We need self-trust most when we are in situations where we are unsure. We may be in the company of people who are more influential than we are, or we may be under pressure because we need something. For some reason or other, we’re off-centre.

If we only knew it, these are the times when it’s really critical for our business and our peace of mind that we trust ourselves.

In my opinion, if you’re not aware of what you’re doing, or not able to stop yourself even when you know you should, you cannot trust yourself. You are not in control. Whatever is on your mind is in control, not you.

Trusting yourself gives you a rock-solid foundation, which guarantees that decisions you make are beneficial.

How Do I Gain More Self Trust?

In any situation or circumstance.

1. Stop for a moment

2. Stand in the centre of the situation and check whether you are comfortable or not.

3. Stay present to the situation yet detached enough to tune into your gut instincts and also see the bigger picture.

4. Remain detached and clear about what you want.

5. Choose from that place.

For instance take the client who paid by cheque. On reflection, how could I have avoided putting myself in that situation?

If I were trusting myself, I would have

1. Stopped

2. Realised I was uncomfortable

3. Reflected on the potential problems that might arise, by listening to the messages my gut was sending me

4. Remembered what I really wanted

5. Re-negotiated.

Five Ways To Keep Yourself In Check:

These are five tactics you can use to make sure you can trust yourself, even when the tendency is not to.

1. Observe yourself - this means in your mind’s eye, take yourself out of the situation and look at how you are in it.

2. Never make a decision you’re not ready to make. When you’re not clear, walk away, and come back to it after you’ve thought about it.

3. Know your danger zones - what throws you off centre.

4. Ask yourself, does this fit with me? Is it fitting nicely into place or is it a huge effort. When you feel easy about something and it flows easily it’s right for you.

5. Take white space

You need to build self-awareness, which is all about becoming an observer of yourself and watching how you respond in different situations and environments. Once you are conscious of your own danger zones, you can set up ways to change what you’re doing, to get the result you want.

How Do I Identify My Danger Zones?

Take time to reflect on experiences you’ve had where you didn’t trust yourself enough and ended up with problems. Check what was on your mind at the time. There are always warning signs, (gut responses) or intuitive messages you got. You probably ignored them at the time. Usually we only truly acknowledge them with hindsight.

Another way is to observe yourself in current situations and see how you operate. You’ll soon recognise your pitfalls. Then you can change your responses and build more self-trust.

It looks like you need to have presence of mind to be able to trust yourself.

Yes and this is where white space comes in. We need to stop and take time out just to be with ourselves.

What is White Space?

It’s:

• A designated chunk of time, for you alone. No ’shoulding’ on yourself! You do whatever you want.

• At least two hours, twice a week, with nothing scheduled or planned for it.

• Blocked out in your diary for the coming year.

• Built up over time to two hours/day or a half day/week or two days/week.

• Untouchable

You need to commit to it and also to shift your perception. You are not being self-indulgent. You are being responsible and empowering yourself to have choice and freedom.

How do I use White Space?

The decision on how you use it should come in the first moment you are in it. If you are unsure, just sit and be present and see what comes up. You will learn to be more spontaneous. It’s a bit like clearing clutter. Until you clear it, it’s hard to see what you have currently and what you can eventually have.

Remember:

To trust yourself, you’ve got to know yourself well. Knowing yourself means you are aware, you understand, you are conscious of what’s going on around you and how you are responding to it. It means you know what you want in any given situation. You learn to read signals and adjust your responses as necessary.

When you slow down and take time and space to build awareness, you will notice that you are:

• Observing yourself

• Eventually able to watch your mind in action

• Learning that when nothing is working, to do nothing

• Trusting yourself more and more

• Taking the pressure off and more sure of yourself

• More surefooted and strategic.

About The Author

Ann Kelly is a Personal and Business coach, with an established global reach. Her speciality is helping those who’ve sold their souls to their business or organisation and want a refund. Ann’s unique style has had a significant positive, impact upon many lives and businesses. Check out success stories and visit her website, at http://www.yourworldyourway.com. To arrange a complimentary 30 minute session please call Ann at +353-21-4354725 or email ann@yourworldyourway.com

Continued…

About a year later I met my husband. I met him through his youngest sister and we were inseparable. We began to fight a lot after his ex started coming in to the picture and I could not handle it. She was a pain in my ass. She was always at his house for special occasions and for holidays, always in my life, always in his and nobody seemed to get it. I got pregnant again and made it to 4 and half mths and its heart stopped and I had to have surgery again. I went through that by myself. He wasn’t there and I resented that but I still wanted to be with him.

A few years later pregnant again. It was in the tubes ,had to have the tube and baby removed, lost that one. He was very upset about that one. The doctor said stop, quit trying. I went home and prayed. We got married in between those times. I prayed and I prayed, “God, just give me a son and I will never ask for another child again”. About 6 mths later my wish and prayer was answered. I knew I was pregnant before I even had the test, and I knew it would be a boy and everything would be ok. I also knew he would be born at Christmas time.

God blessed me with a son, I believe I had him at Christmas to heal my heart and to allow me to enjoy the holidays again. I am eternally grateful and I kept my promise. Back to my husband. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough for him, like I was second to him, that he really wanted the ex and since he couldn’t have her I would do. I felt like I pressured him to get married because I said if you don’t I will leave you. We had been together for 4 yrs and I had wasted enough time. It was time to move forward. After all that we ended up having all that trouble and I feel like I stayed for along time because of Dakota. I wanted him to be happy and have a family, to not have the life I led.

I love Dakota with all of my heart. I want him to be happy. My biggest fear was not being the mom he needed me to be. The best I could do may not be good enough. I always felt if I do nothing else right this will be the one I get right. But I doubted myself constantly. I didn’t know what the right decisions were at the time. We ended up getting a divorce.

Vaughn Pascal

This is a time of year when many people take stock of all that they are grateful for — or at least when we should do so. But this should also be a time when we take stock of all those people who contributed to those gifts — especially the intangible ones. Those gifts such as our self-esteem or confidence, our love of sports or music, and our spine. What person or group do you owe the greatest debt? Was there a special person or group that really helped you become the person you are today?

Was there someone who helped you believe in yourself and your ability? Was there someone who taught you to appreciate life in a new way? Was there just someone who was there so you could count on them no matter what?

Most of us have been fortunate to have not just one person but a whole team of teachers, coaches, and mentors who helped us grow and reach our potential. We should remember to thank those people again and again as we live the lives they helped us shape. Even more important we need to repay that debt — not to those individuals but to society. How is your debt? Have you paid it yet or are you still pretending it doesn’t exist?

We often hear the expression as it relates to criminals. It is sometimes used as a euphemism for incarceration. The truth is though that we all owe a debt to society. Not because we have done some harm to the community but instead because we have benefited from someone else doing good.

I am a Presbyterian and our expression of the Lord’s Prayer includes the phrase “And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors”. Obviously no matter how good we are and how exemplary our lives we can never repay our debt to God or his son so that part of the meaning is rather clear. I also think this means that we should do good for goodness sake rather than any potential benefit we may reap from the act.

I also think there is another level of meaning and this comes back to the central idea of our debt to society. I think when it comes down to acts of kindness there cannot be a one-to-one relationship. Obviously in many cases when a person is in need of help they may never be in a position to return that help in kind. But it isn’t really what we want or need when we offer help or kindness in any case.

Whenever I do something charitable, helpful, or kind, I tend to view the act as contributing to a vast fund of kindness. Many times in my life I have profited from this fund and very likely I will continue to profit from it.

One of the reasons I like this concept is that I do think of it as a sort of fund or bank. The value grows exponentially rather than incrementally just as money would do if similarly invested. We should all be grateful for this because the truth is that we usually don’t pay our debt to society.

Most of us will write the occasional check, buy a ticket for some raffle, and/or spend a few hours working here and there on some pet project. There are a few who will go much further than this and spend a large portion of their time, energy, and/or money for the greater good but they are far too few.

Often whenever we face pressure on our time or finances then it is our philanthropic activities that are the first to be sacrificed. I have been all too guilty of this myself. I wonder what would happen if we reversed this and instead put helping others first rather than last?

My challenge to you this week is simply to find a way to add to our goodness fund. Borrow from the concept of “Pay It Forward”. When someone offers you a helping hand then be sure to pass the favor along at the first opportunity. Don’t pick and choose. Don’t balance your checkbook first. Don’t take the easy path. Do what is right. You will know it when you see it.

Deanna Mascle is an inspirational freelance writer. You can find more inspiration at Inspiration by Dawggone and her inspirational ezines Words of Inspiration Online and Daily Quote Online.

Are you prepared to make your heart matter? Are you prepared to feel whole, happy and healed of any heartache?

It does not surprise me our hearts are not whole (the root meaning of the word “heal”). We are taught throughout our unbalanced educational system to avoid our feeling centre. We avoid our true “knowing” in favour of the development of the rational mind.

We make the rational mind the font of all knowledge and we bury any real emotional understanding of our true selves. We prize what is partial over what is holistic. We accept the “ratio” as being more than the whole. Then we wonder why our life`s number doesn`t add up.

Healing your heart is to become whole.

It is to become a balanced human being. It is to leave the world of “forever doing and never enough” to return to simpler ways. This does not mean you have to change your material circumstances. It will mean in all likelihood a change of attitude. It will mean in all likelihood “a change of heart.”

We forget we are “feeling beings.”

We have become “doers with emotions.” Many of our emotions are blocked or out of control. Our feelings are no longer “free flowing.” They have become judgements frozen in our bodies. We are like icebergs with enough “bad feelings” lying below the surface of consciousness to sink the greatest relationship.

One great sorrow is we lose the best relationship available.

This is the feeling acceptance of ourselves as we are “warts and all.” Healing your heart does not mean you become a “good person.” Healing your heart does not mean you become a “nice person.” It more likely means you become “an allowing person.” You start by giving up judgement. You start to feel your feelings as they are without labels attached.

You allow yourself to “be more” and “do less.”

Much of our working, in my opinion, is a rational for avoiding “who we are.” Many of us are working extremely hard at “self-improvement” and “self development.” Much of us work as a way of avoiding the need “to go home.” This is the avoidance of the return to our “home place.” Our true home is where our hearts lie.

Your heart is your emotional centre.

Most of us are blocked at this feeling centre to some degree. Many of us are blocked to a major degree. We would prefer to feel diseased rather than at ease with allowing our hearts full expression. Rather than feel our heartache and our heartbreak we avoid it. Rather than allow it flow we block it and in doing so we repeat the pain.

Healing your heart is painful.

It is like the thawing of a frost bitten finger. You want to avoid the pain at any cost. However, avoiding your hearts pain also blocks the finer feelings of love and compassion. These are the feelings that will heal you and give your heart peace.

Journeying deeply into your heart is the story of the hero/ine. This is the story of “becoming whole.” It is a journey of the holy.

It is facing the dragons of doubt, despair, anger, hatred and guilt to name only a few. We all have them. They are roaming our emotional terrain. We have them caged. We defend ourselves against these “bad feelings.”

We do not like ourselves for having them.

We convince ourselves we can never be lovable for having such a Pandora’s box full of dross. We hope never to allow these secrets the light of day. We never get to realise the deeper understanding that “the gold is in the darkness.”

Healing your heart begins now.

Healing begins in every new moment. Healing begins by being aware of your mind and how you think. It begins with a commitment to “knowing” what you think. It works toward cessation of this so-called “thinking” so cherished as being rational. Healing works to giving you a sense of “peace of mind.” It works toward knowing the voice of the “trickster.” This is the voice that says you are not good enough. This is the inner voice most of us listen to each and every day

Your heart needs to be heard.

It is your real teacher. It is to be trusted and known. Its voice is more refined than the voice of the “trickster.” Our hearts voice knows our purpose. We have to be willing to go beyond all those gates of locked and loaded emotion. We are the prisoners of our own unprocessed feeling energy.

We can medicate against it and we do. This is the real “growth industry.” This way we can avoid feeling our pain but the cost will be heart damage. Eros will not be able to enter your heart. Arrows of passion will not pierce you. You will be alive but you will avoid living your life. As advised by a great Chinese Proverb, “the singing bird will not come.” There will be no song heard in your heart.

Healing your heart is the ultimate act of courage.

It is to live in this world with a heart open and free. It is to allow love and compassion to flow through you as an expression of your life force. This is who you really are. Your heart knows this when it is allowed to be whole. Your intellect cannot know this, as it cannot be more than a part. It cannot know the feeling of the “holy.”

In healing your heart you are not alone.

There is much healing energy in this world of apparent chaos. We have to be humble enough to ask to be given it. This is a first step alone the road of the heroic. Remember you are always enough. This is an experience you can know as a feeling moment to moment. Make a fullness of heart your focus. You “are worth it.”

Blessings upon you now and forever. Remember that the Blessing is already here and you are it.

Tony Cuckson is an Anam Cara. This Celtic term means “Soul Friend.” He specializes in providing insight for the spiritual journey, Blessings for YOU, words of wisdom and finding inner peace. Visitors to Irish Blessings Matter website and Tony’s Blog get the opportunity to develop a purpose driven life through articles, newsletters and other programs.

Get your free report called “7 ways to it’s a wonderful life” at http://www.irishblessingsmatter.com/, or go to Tony`s Blog at http://www.irishblessingsmatter.info/
where you will find links to information related to spiritual parenting, spiritual coaching and spirit in business.

Receiving is just as important as giving. It sets the flow of abundance and helps others to attract their good as well. When you refuse to ever receive you can be robbing someone else the chance to give. Science has even shown that your health may depend on your ability to receive.

There are many reasons that people have for not receiving.

They believe that:

• It is bad or selfish to receive
• They’ll feel guilty
• They may take from someone else
• There may be strings attached
• They will owe someone a favour, and hate to be in debt.
• What if they can’t return it.

If you feel as that you have taken someone else’s good from them, you cannot do this. The Universal laws, when you are in harmony with them, are set to your advantage. You can have
whatever you desire, as long as your integrity is in order.

In many societies, the belief that we shouldn’t receive can start to reach extremes. There are people who can’t even receive a compliment or even a “thank you”. In their attempt to be
polite, modest or not appear stuck up they are actually really annoying the person who gave them the compliment.

For example, a person may say:

That is a nice outfit you are wearing
• and they reply, “What this old thing” or

• “Oh, it’s just something that I threw on.”

It can make the person giving the compliment, feel like they were stupid for saying anything to you.

Alternatively, when you have helped someone and they say thank you, if you start saying, “Oh, it was nothing”, It undermines the value and worth of the help and some people feel it undermines them.

I remember when I was in college, I had a hard time at accepting compliments. One year when I had completed a year-end project. I had fellow students coming up to me saying what I great job I
did. I didn’t want to appear better than anyone else or whatever it was I was feeling, so I would say, “Oh, it was nothing.” Or, “It could have been better.”

I had one friend get mad at me. She said, “Why can’t you take a compliment? When you say it was nothing, when it was better than ours, just what are you saying about what we did?”
I had never thought about it that way. I definitely didn’t want to imply that theirs wasn’t any good or insult them. It had more to do with what I believed I should do.

I have been more careful just to say thank you. And you know what; It feels good to say that.

So, if someone gives you a compliment, just say “thank you”
If someone is thanking you for helping, just say, “your welcome”

Quantum physics and neuroscience also shows the importance of receiving. Many studies, with the help of modern equipment, have shown how important it is for our brain to receive new or stimulating information. If we stop learning, the brain begins to stagnate and loses neuron connections. You remember the saying “use it or lose it”. Those who continue to learn, read or even do crossword puzzles, do much better in their later years.

Also, consider a healthy lake, it has both an intake, receiving, (river or underground spring) as well as an output, giving. It flows with new life and thrives. A lake that has only has output or input, dies or stagnates. Think of the Dead Sea, it is dead because it doesn’t have the flow.

We are like the lakes. We must continue to have the flow in order to be successful, prosperous, healthy and happy. So ask yourself, “When is that last time I received?”

Maria Boomhower known as The Master Communicator has won awards for excellence in her field. Her background includes supervision, training, video productions, photo journalism and running sub-press centres.
Maria also spent several years studying metaphysics and quantum theories, which enabled her to bring in the human aspects of communication and perceptions to assist people in overcoming their barriers.
You can find out more at:http://www.falconfreedom.com
Practice receiving at:
Golden Falcon Recommends

Weather Forecasters across the nation proclaimed the arrival of the first day of Autumn on September 22, 2005. They were, however, totally oblivious as to how this would affect the very forecasts they will make throughout the season. Of course, in a general way, meteorologists understand that because of the earth’s orbit around the Sun, the Sun now appears to be over the Equator and moving south. This means a loss of solar energy for the Northern Hemisphere, and a loss of solar energy means changes in the weather. But that’s as far as it goes for them.

The ancients had a different understanding. An astrological chart set for the beginning of each season at the corresponding solstice or equinox afforded them more than just a broad-spectrum look at the season in question. From the planetary positions and aspects contained in the chart, they extracted a more detailed look at the quality of that particular spring, summer, fall, or winter. Would it be a dry season or a windy one? Would it be a mild or a harsh winter? When would certain weather phenomena take place?

The beauty of this method is that weather phenomena can be foreseen months and years in advance since planetary positions can be calculated far into the future. This built-in, non-polluting, advance warning forecast tool is one of God’s thoughtful conveniences that, if properly used, could save humankind time, money, and lives.

This year, long-range forecasts based on this method, have found their fulfillment in Hurricanes Alpha, Wilma, Otis, Dennis, and Tropical Storms Irwin and Arlene.

Ken Paone has been working with Kepler’s long-range weather forecasting method for about 14 years. His published forecasts have appeared internationally. You can email Ken at kensweather@msn.com. The results of his latest long-range forecasts and hurricane forecasts for July 2005 are available on his blog at http://www.theweatheralternative.blogspot.com

I’m leaving on a TV tour in a few weeks. I’m going to be on the road. This is my second one and I’ll visit TV news stations all over the country talking about the HOTTEST Baby shower gifts for the season. Let me tell you about my last tour and the miracle that happened:

I knew that it was going to be a long trip, in and out of airports every single day and facing many people during the flu season. I also knew I’d be away from my husband and son and it was going to be draining.

So, I prayed that God would send me angels along my trip.

Lo and behold, I got my prayer answered in a very bizarre way! It was through my taxi cab drivers and my old and new friends along the way. Here are the names of the people who taxied me around:

Abraham

Isreal

Samuel

Daniel

Joshua

John

Angel

ANGEL - SERIOUSLY.. two separate men named Angel

Mark

Elisabeth (Lisa)

Mathew

Michael

David and

DIANE CROSS! Seriously.. my new super cool friend Diane Cross is from Detroit and worked at the FOX station! (Die On Cross= guess who? .. Jesus! )

At each stop, I called my husband and I called the publicist who booked me and told them the names of my cab drivers. We were all getting a kick out of it. There were a few other names thrown in there like Craig or foreign names I cant’ pronounce, but the bulk of them came from the old and new testament. I firmly believed that an angel nudged the people along to be there when I called or to offer to help me out. They made my trip completely easy and I was confident that I was being well taken care of.

And now I KNOW angels exist!!!

If any of YOU have an angel story.. I’d love to hear it!!!

COMMENTS:

Mary,
That’s great. I’ve had similar experiences while travelling: God sending saints my way as cab drivers, companions, lodge keepers, etc. . I pray He gives you many during this next trip.
Garrett, VA

Yes… I too believe Angels exist - what a sweet story - have another great round and look forward to seeing you sometime before 2035 (lol) !!!
Best regards,
Jordyn, NYC

Hey Mary!
I think that’s so wild about the cab drivers!!!
Can’t wait to hear about the appearances. Michelle, NJ

Too Funny!!! I’m bumming that I’ll miss seeing you on one of the channels in NYC but I’m sure they will hear of your segment and want to book you soon. Make sure you keep tapes so we can see them!!!
Lot’s of love,
Geof… just another way of spelling Angel

To learn more about Mary go to: http://www.marygardner.com/

Mary Gardner is an Executive Communications Consultant and Coach. She works with, coaches and trains individuals, sales teams, executives, and celebrities. She enjoys seeing the best come out in people and has fun in the process. Mary is married to Sway and is mommy to Jeremy 5 and lives in Orlando, FL.

The first step of meditation is Kayotsarga, that is relaxation with self-awareness. Keep your body steady, relaxed and free from tension. Keep your spine and neck straight but without stiffness. Relax all the muscles of your body. Let your body become limp.

Practice steadiness of body at least for five minutes. Keep your body completely steady, as motionless as a statue. Do not allow the limbs of your body to move. No movement at all.

Kayotsarga has two implications–complete relaxation of the body and self-awareness. For achieving complete relaxation of the body, mentally divide it into several parts and concentrate your mind on each part of the body one by one, from feet to head. Allow your mind to spread in the whole part–allow it to undertake a trip in the whole part; use the technique of auto-suggestion to relax the whole part and experience the resulting relaxation. Experience that each and every muscle, each and every nerve has become relaxed. And in the same way attain, the relaxation of the whole body. Use deep concentration and remain completely alert. Practice Kayotsarga.

Detailed Instructions for Relaxation:

Starting with the big toe of your right foot, concentrate your mind on it. Allow your mind to spread throughout the big toe. Suggest to the muscles and nerves to relax. Relax….. Relax….. Relax…..Experience that they are relaxing. Experience that they have become relaxed. In the same way, attain relaxation of the other parts of the right limb–the other toes, sole, heel, ankle, upper part of the foot, calf-muscles, knee, thigh, upto the hip-joint. In the same way relax the left limb upto the hip-joint. Experience that the whole of the lower portion of the body has become completely relaxed.

Now achieve the relaxation of the middle portion of the body from the waist upto the neck. Concentrate your mind on each part one by one starting with the lower abdomen, relax the front, the back, the right side, the left side, the outside and the inside of your lower abdomen. Similarly relax the upper abdomen– the front, the back, the right side, the left side, the outside and the inside of your upper abdomen. Now through your navel enter the abdominal cavity and relax the large intestine, the small intestine, the kidneys, the spleen, the liver, the pancreas, the stomach and the diaphragm. Use autosuggestion and achieve relaxation. Then concentrate your mind on the chest and relax the entire rib-cage. Beginning with the lowest rib, relax each and every rib in turn. Relax the front ribs, the back ribs, the right ribs and the left ribs. Now enter the chest and relax the right lung, the left lung and the heart by auto-suggestion. (Those who have got any heart trouble should pause here for a few minutes and by auto-suggestion slow down the heart to remove stress.)

Now achieve the relaxation of the neck muscles in the front and in the back. Then concentrate your mind on both the hands and arms one by one; starting from the thumb, relax the fingers, the palm, the wrist, the lower arm, the elbow, the upper arm and the shoulder. Experience that the whole of the middle portion of your body has become completely relaxed.

Now achieve the relaxation of the upper portion of body from throat upto the head. Here we have come to a bit more difficult part of the exercise. So far you were relaxing large muscles which respond quickly to your suggestion. But now we have to relax a large number of small and tiny muscles which are difficult to relax. First unclench your teeth and unlock your jaws and let your tongue go limp. Keep your lips softly closed. Now relax all the facial muscles; beginning with the chin, relax the lips, the inner portion of the mouth including the teeth, the gums, the palate and the tongue; then relax the cheeks, the nose, the ears and the temples, both the eyes, the forehead and the scalp, through auto-suggestion. Experience that the whole of your upper portion of the body has become completely relaxed.

Again allow your mind to travel from the head upto the feet and from the feet upto the head; this time rather quickly and see that there is no tension anywhere in the body. Experience that the whole body from the feet upto the head has become completely relaxed. Maintain the posture of Kayotsarga throughout the meditation session. Try to keep your body completely steady and motionless.

Now practice inner silence at least for five minutes through relaxation of the vocal cords (voice box). Concentrate your mind on the voice box inside the throat and completely relax it. Observe complete inner silence. There should be no vibrations in the voice box.

ACHARYA MAHAPRAGYA 10th acharya of terapanth.For More articles Visit our
site- http://www.articlesworld.com

Meditation Basics: Counting breaths is not like counting sheep.

“Just close your eyes and count your breaths,” they say. How simple can it be? “Don’t think about anything else though. Just concentrate on your breathing.” Well, anyone who has tried this “simple” meditation knows that it just isn’t that easy.

There are many obstacles to this seemingly effortless task. Our minds tend to wander naturally. If we try to completely focus on anything for more than a few seconds, random thoughts take over. And breathing is boring; let’s face it. How can you concentrate on something so mundane when there are much more interesting things racing around in your head?

A typical session might go like this: I close my eyes, sit comfortably, and begin counting. Inhale one, inhale two, inhale… “Am I doing this right? I guess so, I’m already on… oh three.” Inhale four… “Now, am I supposed to start over at one or just keep going?” Inhale one, inhale two, inhale three, inhale four. “Wow, I’m really getting the hang of this. Oops.” Inhale one, inhale two… “Did I remember to pay the phone bill? I’m sure I did. I’m really good at staying on top of my bills. Not like Susan, she’s always… Darn, I did it again.” Inhale one, inhale two…

The good news is it does get better with practice. The bad news is it can still be a struggle for experienced meditators, especially during busy or turbulent periods in one’s life. Luckily, there is more good news. There are some specific things you can do to help you focus and reduce the frustration in your meditation practice. In this article, I would like to offer three tips to help you with your practice. They are: Observe don’t control, be compassionate, and enjoy yourself.

First, don’t force or try to control your breathing. This is a mistake that a lot of beginners make. Many inexperienced meditators consciously or unconsciously alter their breathing in an effort to focus on it. What results is an exaggerated and often irregular breathing pattern. This can actually inhibit your meditation rather than help it.

What you want to do is just “watch” your breathing. You don’t have to exert any additional effort at all. If you just wait and observe, you will breathe. Then, you can count. Of course, we all know this but many people still find themselves forcing it. If you catch yourself controlling your breaths, just gently remind yourself that it’s not necessary and then wait for the next breath to come naturally.

This brings me to the next tip, compassion. In this case I mean for yourself in your meditation practice. As we’ve been discussing, it’s not an easy thing to do to concentrate on one’s breath. It’s very important not to scold yourself when your mind wanders or you catch yourself controlling your breathing. If you think about it, the time you would spend reprimanding yourself for breaking your focus is just more time away from your meditation. It is best to softly bring yourself back to your practice as soon as you notice you’re wavering. Don’t get down on yourself and start thinking, “I can’t do this. This is never going to work for me.” These negative thoughts do nothing to help your practice and waste valuable time. Be compassionate. Just brush it off and return to your meditation.

Another way to look at these wanderings is to realize that they are an important part of your progression. Meditation is a skill. And like most skills, it requires practice. A baseball player doesn’t step into the batter’s box for the first time and start hitting homeruns. He makes mistakes and corrections, and improves over time. He can then gauge his progress by the reduction of errors. Even after he is an experienced batsman, he will still strike out more often than he would like. But his hits should increase as well.

In your meditation practice, your mind will likely wander more in the beginning. But don’t give up. It will get better. Just like the baseball player, you will realize fewer mistakes over time and you will learn to recover from them more quickly. Sure, you will still have challenges and even slumps from time to time but you will also have more successes.

The final tip I would like to offer is to find enjoyment in your practice. Even though it may be tough at times, daily meditation can greatly enhance your life. Don’t rate yourself and expect to progress or improve to a particular degree or within a particular timeframe. Unlike baseball, mediation is a life-long experience. Remember, this is your time. Let it be your oasis not a chore. No matter what else is going on in your life, your meditation time can be your escape. As a Zen master once said, “It’s just you and your breath and then it’s just your breath.” Breathe in, breathe out, and forget about the world around you. Even when you’re busy or preoccupied with some problem, even if you can only find ten or fifteen minutes to be alone with your breath, enjoy it.

I hope these tips will help you to enhance your meditation experience. They have certainly proved to be invaluable in my own practice over the years. Of course I still struggle from time to time with the very same issues we’ve discussed here. But through observing rather than controlling, being compassionate to myself when I falter, and enjoying my special time alone; I have made my life fuller and happier.

ImCalmer.com - A Place to relax and calm your mind: www.imcalmer.com

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 12, 2004

I’m hoping you can help me with a moral problem that crops up every now and then in my personal and professional life. Sometimes I find myself being blamed for an error or lack of judgment that actually occurred on someone else’s part. For example, I asked someone at work about using a certain location for a display, was given the go-ahead, then chastised for using that location.

When the only way I can defend myself involves pointing the finger at someone else, I’m in a real quandary. I am rarely prepared to defend myself if it means making someone else look bad. I handle the problem by saying nothing. I simply don’t know what to say.

There is usually ample opportunity for the person responsible to come forward, but I find that hardly ever happens. How can I handle this type of problem without taking the low road of attacking others? What is the moral or ethical thing to do?

Karla

Karla, each of us has principles of behavior rattling around in our head. These principles range from the Golden Rule to Miss Manners’ etiquette to the Boy Scout Creed. Often we are not sure which principle to apply.

The principle you are applying here is the playground and schoolyard rule which says one shouldn’t snitch to a parent or teacher. It is not an ethical rule so much as a rule children employ in play. A much more basic rule applies. That is the rule which says, in simple justice, each of us deserves to be known for the person we are.

Your lack of explanations makes you look guilty. Coming forward and explaining why you acted as you did should not be a moral or ethical problem for you. It is simply a matter of fact. If you acted because Sheila told you to do it that way, or the employee handbook says to do it that way, or you have always done it that way and no one told you otherwise, you are simply reporting a fact.

You should look at this as an impersonal matter, much as if you are reporting the time or the weather. When you report facts in these situations, there are three rules to remember. The three rules are: don’t apologize, don’t apologize, and don’t apologize. An apology is due when you have done something wrong; no apology is called for when stating the reality of a situation.

Karla, you don’t have an ethical problem here, but the people who know the truth and remain silent do.

Wayne

Missing Holiday Spirit

This Christmas I went to a lot of trouble to find special gifts for my grandchildren. I have some health challenges, and it was a stretch physically to shop for these gifts. Since I was in their neighborhood the week before Christmas, I left my presents under the tree ahead of time.

They expected me Christmas morning, and I called ahead to say I was on my way. When I arrived carrying two grocery bags with food, my grandson met me at the door saying he really liked the books. I couldn’t believe my ears. They had opened my gifts without me!

I told my daughter I was disappointed, and she said she was “sorry” I hadn’t left “instructions.” Her husband told me they have a rule in their house: no whining. What should I do? Skip Christmas for them? Forgive and forget? Move?

Clara

Clara, if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it still make a sound? If a child receives a gift and you are not there, is he still filled with joy?

Don’t skip Christmas with your family. Next year take the gifts with you on Christmas morning, and be grateful for a son-in-law with such a wise rule for his household.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.