More and more companies around the world are hopping national borders to conduct business. Regardless of the organization you join, you are likely to be dealing with people who come from various national, religious, and ethnic backgrounds. Communicating across language and cultural barriers at home will also challenge your skills. Without leaving your own country, you’re likely to come into contact with people from a variety of backgrounds who work in your company, industry, and community.

Communicating with people from other cultures can be challenging. At the same time, your ability to foster successful communication between people of differing cultures will bolster your success in business and career. To overcome cultural barriers to effective communication, you must first learn what culture actually means. Culture is a shared system of symbols, beliefs, attitudes, values, expectations, and norms for behavior.
Subcultures, in turn, are distinct groups that exist within a major culture.

Cultures differ in several ways that affect communication:

• Stability: conditions in the culture may be stable or may be changing either slowly or rapidly;

• Complexity: cultures vary in the accessibility of information.

• Composition: some cultures are made up of many diverse subcultures and generally, the fewer the subcultures in a person’s background, the easier it is to communicate, because you have fewer potential differences to consider;

• Acceptance: cultures carry in their attitudes toward outsiders, some are openly hostile, some maintain a detached aloofness, and others are friendly, and cooperative toward strangers.

By bridging these differences, you can successfully achieve intercultural communication. However, the four elements of culture are very general in nature. They don’t say much about how to communicate with persons from other cultures. Here are the so called ten commandments of intercultural communication.

I. Be aware of differing social values;

II. Be aware of differing status symbols and how to demonstrate them;

III. Be aware of decision making customs: not all people like to make decisions quickly and efficiently;

IV. Be aware of concepts of time: not all people like to see time as money;

V. Be aware of personal space: people from different cultures have different ‘comfort zones’;

VI. Be aware of cultural context: people from certain cultures (called ‘high-context cultures) rely less on verbal communication and more on the context of nonverbal actions and environmental settings to convey meaning. People from low-context cultures like the USA rely more on verbal communication and less on circumstances and implied meaning to convey meaning;

VII. Be aware of body language: learn the basic differences in the way people supplement their words with body movement;

VIII. Be aware of different etiquette rules or manners: what is polite in one culture may be considered rude in another;

IX. Be aware of legal and ethical behavior;

X. Be aware of language barriers: English is the most prevalent language in international business, but it’s a mistake to assume that everyone understands it.

Learning as much as possible about another culture will enhance your ability to communicate with its members. Read books and articles about the culture and talk to people who have done business with that culture’s members. Concentrate on learning something about the culture’s history, religion, politics, values, and customs. Find out about a country’s subcultures, especially its business subculture, and any special rules of protocol.

Here are some tips when communication interculturally

• Take responsibility for communication

• Withhold judgments

• Show respect

• Empathize

• Tolerate ambiguity

• Look beyond the superficial

• Be patient and persistent

• Recognize your own cultural biases

• Be flexible

• Emphasize common ground

• Send clear messages

• Increase your cultural sensitivity

• Deal with the individual

• Learn when to be direct

Martin Hahn Ph.D. is an industrial sociologist with more than 20 years experience in teaching, management consulting, and corporate training. If you would like to get custom-made advice about your communication problems, please feel free to send your email to martinmim21@hotmail.com. All requests will be handled professionally and your communication problem will be handled in strict confidence.

In a town the size of mine - about 16,000 - can a few suicides within a 90-day period be considered an epidemic? I’d say so.
Quite a few Christians have contacted me since these tragedies have occurred, people struggling with the in’s and out’s of suicide and its effect on one’s eternal reward, among other concerns. These included the wife of one of the recent suicide victims. As a certified Workplace Chaplain, I receive various ministerial and counseling materials in the mail and one recent article presented some jarring statistics about suicide and its effects on those left behind.

For instance, there are 30,000 suicides in America each year, leaving 118,000 survivors per year. There are currently 4.5 MILLION survivors living in the US alone. There are 750,000 emergency room treatments per year as a result of suicide attempts. One-third of all Jr. High and High School kids are considering suicide. 24to 30 kids die by suicide daily. every 2 minutes, someone in the US attempts suicide; every 18 minutes, someone succeeds. Suicide is the third leading cause of death in young people 15 to 24 years old. Suicide rates increase with age, the highest rate being found among white American males 65 and over.

Eighty percent of those Christians left behind wind up changing their churches or stop attending services all together. I can recall, as a youth, a woman in our church whose husband passed away and how, even as a kid, I noticed how rarely I observed the widow engaged in any conversations with other church members before or after services. Eventually, she was gone. There’s a great deal of ignorance in the Church - a feeling of inadequacy - that keeps the average person from stepping up and comforting those left behind. fact is, they want to talk. They NEED to. Some are mad at God or mad at the church. They’re confused. They’re loved one wasn’t killed. No, they CHOSE death without apparent consideration of the feelings and needs of those they’d soon be leaving behind. Those who grieve contend with the same stages of grief as those facing other kinds of death only with greater intensity and in a cycle that generally continues about a full year.

Those who actually see the dead body require counseling and prayer in an effort to “stop the movie’ they see re-playing in their minds as they instinctively try and come up with a different ending. They often wrestle with guilt, feelings of failure, anger, even rejection…and its often so devastating that it shuts down the normal coping mechanisms, resulting in frightening “What’s wrong with me?” feelings.

Sadly, it’s very common that a survivor’s friends and family reject them. Long-term friendships, needed now more than ever, are often severed. Some will avoid and even blame the survivor, openly or with subtle accusations. Immediate family members sometimes turn on and blame each other and entire family structures may change and may never be reconciled.

Unresolved grief can lead to health issues and some survivors who suffer from what’s called “graphic issues” (they were unfortunate enough to have actually seen the dead body, often in a horrible state), become suicidal themselves. Nightmares, loss of sleep, the movie plays over and over, day and night.
Good support groups are necessary. There’s an elephant in the living room that we cannot - MUST NOT - dance around. According to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical manual of Mental Disorders, the level of stress resulting from suicide is rated at the level of Catastrophe, equivalent to that of a concentration camp experience!
Often, suicide is seen as being undesirable, even “dirty.” It’s seen as a cowardly way out by many.

We must encourage the survivors among us to reclaim their lives! Suicide is not a permanent thing. like every trauma, it becomes a thing of the past with each passing second. We must not “build a camp there,” as one preacher said. After all, as the Good Book says, “It came to pass.”

Healing is a process and we must allow it to run its course. In supporting roles, we must not let the survivors endure this process all alone. Survivors cannot make the ending change by re-living the moment. Though one cannot erase their memories, they can certainly dilute them, diminishing their debilitating impact. How? By filling their calendar with service towards others and by reading positive, uplifting, encouraging literature. Work a crossword puzzle. Volunteer. Mind your input! Sad movies are a no-no!

We may never know the answer to all the ‘WHY?’ questions and we must accept that as fact. The fact is - and this is from those who have been there - one day you will look back at the progress you’ve made and you’ll stand amazed. the day you were thrust into this nightmare, you became victims. You had no say in the matter. No choice. To remain a victim IS a choice.

We’re human BE-ings, not human DO-ings. You must learn to BE a Survivor, not merely TRY to survive while feeling like the living dead yourself. As one Survivor said, “You can do this. It’s a hrd battle, but life is hard, so what’s new? hard doesn’t mean impossible.”

If you are interested in reading part 3 of this 3-part series, please write team1min@aol.com ans request Suicide 3.

Pastor Michael has been broadcasting these eMail messages of Discipleship & Encouragement to Christians across the planet since 1999. Since then, the messages have been re-broadcast, printed in paper newsletters, used by teachers and preachers and have ministered to countless saints of all denominations worldwide.

A teenager drowned in the sea during a Church youth camp. A large group of believers who gathered for a pastors’ convention were all killed in a hotel fire accident. A faithful and talented evangelist acquired acute diabetes and had to have both his legs amputated. A dedicated pastor came home to find his daughters raped and left for dead.

One hundred thirty five years ago, a man named Horatio Spafford wrote an unforgettable song that defied any trace of his anguish over a great tragedy that befell his family. Horatio was a successful lawyer, businessman and prominent Presbyterian elder. He lost his only son shortly before the great Chicago fire in 1871 which took heavy toll on his business, and not long after, his four daughters died in a ship collision in Europe. It was when he sailed to the site where his daughters drowned that he was inspired to pen the words that became the lyrics of one of our most beloved hymns:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows, like sea-billows, roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,

Chorus

It is well, it is well with my soul!

It is well with my soul,

It is well, it is well with my soul!

My sin, O the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part, but the whole,

Is nailed to His Cross, and I bear it no more;

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Spafford’s story continues to be a notable source of strength and comfort to many Christians who have experienced pain, loss and suffering in their lives. Until my mother died (she was brutally killed by a robber) two years ago, I was unable to fully grasp the extent of the fusion of horrid agony and unabated hope behind Horatio’s words in that song. My mother’s death brought unfathomable sorrow to my family, and even though I was already a Christian at the time, I found myself unable to hold back the doubt and confusion about God. In that instance, it seemed as if the foundation of my trust in Him that took years and years to build was on the verge of collapse. My mother had just begun to seriously live her faith shortly before she died and for her to have had a death so violent at such a crucial time in her life was not an easy thing to accept.

There is nothing unnatural nor condemnable about Christians, specially those who have tasted despair, to feel a certain degree of apprehension with regards to the future. Pain is real and inescapable. It happens to everyone, including devout believers. The Scriptures abound in passages that encourage us to preserve our hope in God amid life’s relentless cruelty. Yet when tragedies strike, especially inexplicable and seemingly meaningless ones, only a few of us truly find the strength to trust in God.

When a Christian meets unbearable ordeals, how does he move on with his faith in God still intact? How do we reconcile God’s goodness and mercy with life’s atrocities to believers like us? How do we forget our dismal past and move forward with fresh hope?

When the reality of pain in life sets in, we need to understand four things:

(1) God’s sovereignty is absolute regardless of our circumstances;

(2) God’s plan and wisdom are flawless and seamlessly accomplished, but it doesn’t mean that any one of us (i.e., individually) is the center of that plan;

(3) God is perpetually faithful and merciful; and

(4) God favors those who trust Him.

The picture of God as one who is sovereign, faithful and merciful is found not only in a book called the Bible. In one way or another, at innumerable points in our life which few of us really bother to count, the Lord has demonstrated these qualities for us. Unlike many of the Old Testament Israelites who personally witnessed (and greatly benefited from) God’s magnificent miracles and wonders but whose faith swiftly faltered after encountering daunting trials in the wilderness, we need to always be mindful of how God had lavished His benevolence on us so we can remain consistently thankful to Him and steadily expectant of His providence.

Trouble arises when we become presumptuous by thinking that God’s plans revolve specifically around us. We are all part of God’s grand plan of building His kingdom in the sense that He desires redemption for each of us and wants us to witness to other people, but to presuppose that carrying out of every detail in that plan must conform to our individual ideals and enhance our personal circumstances is taking it too far. In the process of executing such plan, God allows the occurrence of certain events that we may not understand but, nevertheless, fall under the scope of His perfect will.

Furthermore, Jesus himself did not promise us total immunity from suffering after believing in Him. In reality, suffering is a big, often essential chunk of Christian life; it is God’s tool for sculpting our character. Our great and unparalleled consolation is that we are S-A-V-E-D. God’s grace is unbelievably boundless—we can rely on Him to make all things in our lives work together for good and to perhaps spare us, out of His infinite compassion, from more agonies (or at least equip us with the necessary strength to endure them) even though we are not the focus of His plan. Much solace can also be drawn from realizing that God knows us and cares immensely for us that He even knows the number of hairs on our head (Luke 12:7). Having a developed relationship with God makes it a lot easier to make sense of life’s difficulties.

The Scriptural passages that convey God’s goodness and reliability are not empty at all. The heroes of faith in the Bible (See Hebrews Chapter 11) gained God’s seal of approval because they acknowledged and embraced God’s authority and faithfulness. Job, Abraham, Moses and the rest of their ilk were clearly not untouched by life’s adversities. In the times that God had a role or task for them to fulfill they were not always privy and central to God’s plans and were thus uncertain of the future. But they all did one thing in common—they kept their faith, and they (or their descendants) were rewarded.

If there is something I’ve learned about God’s trustworthiness since my mother’s death, it is that when life gets too real, He gets even more real in my life. He became more ‘visible’ and responsive to me and my family in many specific, outstanding and often unexpected ways. That God is pleased when people earnestly seek Him and eagerly submit to His will became more meaningful to me. The more life becomes cruel, God all the more shows his goodness and faithfulness to those who choose to trust Him. As life gets tough, I found it wise to acknowledge the pain and reflect on it, then move on by choosing to continue to depend on Him, whether or not I have found sense in my suffering. There is much less sense being stuck in depression or refusing to go on for lack of answers to unanswerable questions. We must accept our finiteness as opposed to God’s infiniteness—our limited minds cannot possibly decipher everything that transpires. These, I believe, are the core foundations that fueled Horatio Spafford’s overflowing contentment in God’s grace even at the darkest hour of his life, hence his song.

As we continue our journey as Christians, let us do so with courage in our hearts. It would do us good to liberate ourselves from the darkness of the past by remembering how God’s faithfulness far outweighs all our miseries combined. Let’s forge ahead armed with the unshakable faith that no suffering we could ever have is greater than God’s love or is beyond His comfort for us. Whatever happens, like Horatio, may we find the strength in Jesus to say, “It is well with my soul.”

About the Author: Denise S. Raterta holds a B.S. in Psychology and frequently writes on the topics of counseling and spiritual growth. She relishes writing straightforward, informative and insightful articles on Christian living. Together with her husband, Roy, an evangelical pastor, she draws extreme fulfillment serving in the Lord’s ministry at Christ Online Center, Philippines.

Lifetime Prevalence of Depression and the Age-of-Onset Report Distributions of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders(DSM) in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication

The paragraph title sounds complicated, but the study conclusions are critical and simple to understand. Lifetime prevalence estimates are as follows: anxiety disorders, 28.8%; mood disorders, 20.8%; impulse-control disorders, 24.8%; substance use disorders, 14.6%; any disorder, 46.4%. Median age of onset is much earlier for anxiety (11 years) and impulse-control (11 years) disorders than for substance use (20 years) and mood (30 years) disorders. Half of all lifetime cases start by age 14 years and three fourths by age 24 years. Later onsets are mostly of comorbid conditions, with estimated lifetime risk of any disorder at age 75 years (50.8%) only slightly higher than observed lifetime prevalence (46.4%).

Lifetime prevalence estimates are higher in recent cohorts than in earlier cohorts and have fairly stable intercohort differences across the life course that vary in substantively plausible ways among sociodemographic subgroups.

Conclusions: About half of Americans will meet the criteria for a DSM-IV disorder sometime in their life, with first onset usually in childhood or adolescence. Interventions aimed at prevention or early treatment need to focus on youth and young adults. The earlier the disease is treated, the better chance for a successful recovery. If traditional antidepressants do not provide adequate relief from depression , vagus nerve stimulation therapy is a powerful yet relatively simple procedure.

Sources: Department of Health Care Policy, Harvard Medical School, Boston, Mass (Dr Kessler; Mss Demler and Walters; and Mr Jin); Institute for Social Research, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor (Ms Berglund); and Section on Developmental Genetic Epidemiology, National Institute of Mental Health, Rockville, Md (Dr Merikangas).

Learn more about vagus nerve stimulation at www.VagusNerveStimulator.com

Charles Donovan was a patient in the FDA investigational trial for vagus nerve stimulation and depression. He testified to the Panel at the Advisory Meeting on June 15th. After 25 years of chronic depression, vagus nerve stimulation completely cured his chronic depression. The author is so grateful and humbled by this remarkable device. Learn more at his website: http://www.VagusNerveStimulator.com There is a free newsletter to keep you up-to-date.

“All I want to do is sleep.”
“I am crying and feel sad – a lot.”
“I usually enjoy playing games with the kids after work, but now I just want to be left alone.”

We all have bad days and the ups and downs of daily living can really wear us out. Sometimes, we notice that we are having more down times than up, and the feelings of sadness or hopelessness can begin to dominate our outlook.

If you used to feel good, happy, and productive and now you are sad and have trouble getting the smallest tasks finished, it is a good idea to take the time to explore the changes.

Check out this list of common symptoms:

No energy

Irritable

Feeling sad or hopeless most of the time

Feeling empty

Crying a lot, or, feeling like you want to cry but cannot

Not experiencing joy in life

Trouble concentrating

Trouble making decisions

Decreased interest in doing things you usually enjoy

Sleeping too much or not sleeping enough

Eating too much or not eating enough

Thoughts of death or suicide

Note: if you are in immediate crisis, or seriously considering suicide, you should go to the nearest emergency room or phone 911 for help.

If you have several of these symptoms and feel down for more than two weeks, you might be experiencing depression.

Depression can range from normal, mild “ups and downs” to severe depression that lasts a long time. Women are more than twice as likely to experience depression as men. Maybe it is hormones or genetics, but the stress of daily living, raising a family, responsibilities at work, finances, and the expectation that we should be “super women” might also contribute to this statistic. Depression doesn’t just affect us. When we feel lethargic and sad, our partners and children notice. This change in mood can affect our job performance as well. If you think you might have depression, consult with your doctor to see if medication is the right choice for treating your symptoms.

I often tell my clients that depression is a sneaky disorder. Depression says, “Stay in bed and you’ll feel better,” when in fact, getting up and moving can actually help your brain produce the chemicals it needs to help you feel better. Here are some ways to help you regain a sense of balance.

Get back into a routine – get out of bed in the morning, get a shower, and get dressed. Go to bed at a reasonable time so your internal clock can readjust. This sounds so simple, but depression can make it very difficult. Work every day toward returning to your own personal routine.

Eat regularly and healthfully - Often, when we are depressed, we don’t want to eat, or we only choose “comfort foods” that feel good initially, but don’t help us nutritionally. Make a choice to eat proteins, vegetables, carbohydrates, and fruits, every day. If you don’t have an appetite, decide to eat something at mealtimes, even if it is only a small amount, to help your system get back on track.

Drink plenty of water - Most of us don’t drink enough water and it helps your body function at its best. Drinks with caffeine or sweeteners are not the same as pure water.

Avoid alcohol which can make you feel more depressed.

Exercise – Gee, the last thing we want to think about when we are depressed is exercise. However, exercise helps our brains produce chemicals that make us feel good and it gets more oxygen into our system. Check with your doctor if necessary, and start out with small goals and gradually increase your time and exertion as you get stronger.

Talk about your feelings with a therapist - It is good to have someone to talk with during rough times. Additionally, you can work together to understand events or triggers that might have contributed to the depression.

Drink plenty of water – No, this isn’t a typo – drinking water can help clear toxins from your body. I believe there is a strong connection between our emotions and how our bodies feel and function. Giving your body what it needs can help restore balance to your system.

Be gentle with yourself - Having depressive symptoms can feel scary and frustrating. You are giving yourself, your partner, and your family a gift by working to take good care of yourself.

© 2006 Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC - All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Cynthia McKenna LPC, NCC is a therapist and life-coach who helps people transform their lives. Her goal is to help people have more joy and peace in their daily living. Cynthia works with individuals, couples, and groups in the Texas Hill Country. She also works with clients online and by phone. For more information or to make an appointment, visit Cynthia McKenna’s website http://cynthiamckennacounseling.com.

Every since civilization started many people have been suffering from psychological disorders such as sadness and strange and awkward behavior. There have been many of scientists that have tried to figure out the cure for them and treat these disorders. Classifying psychological disorders have their roots back far in ancient times with the Romans and the Egyptians. Even today, classifying psychological disorders follow a medical type model.

However, classifying psychological disorders is not very easy and is harder than it sounds and is very controversial. Even though the classification system has disadvantages, I think it’s safe to say that the classification system outweighs the disadvantages. It provides a means of effective communication between psychologists. Also, the classification system can help psychologists make predictions such as the probability that a disorder will occur and about the individuals that are more likely to develop a certain mental disorder and about the rules for treatment.

To help make classifying psychological disorders easier the American Psychiatric Association came out with the first system of grouping psychological disorders in the United States in 1952. This manual was known as the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The 1994 edition is the most current version that I’m aware of and includes 17 major classifications and describes more than 200 disorders. The DSM had undergone changes and probably will go more in the future which shows the advancement in knowledge of psychological disorders over the years. The DSM-IV has added and dropped categories from its manual which has caused some major controversial by psychologist you relied heavily on those techniques. An important feature of the DSM-IV is its multi axis features. It has five axes to accurately diagnose an individual with a mental disorder by characterizing them in terms of a number of factors. The five axes of DSM-IV include:

Axis I: Every diagnostic category except for personality disorders and mental retardation. Axis II: Mental retardation and personality disorders. Axis III: Most medical conditions Axis IV: Social and environmental complications. Axis V: Current functioning abilities.

Axes I-II describes the majority of psychological disorders, and Axes III-V is not really needed in diagnosing a psychological disorder but they are there to consider the person’s over all life situation. For example, an individual may have high blood pressure which is an example of Axis III, which needs special precautions to treatment because some mediation can worsen the symptoms for individuals.

The DSM-IV was put together by a number of mental health professionals and included a diverse range of audiences which was something missing in the previous manuals because the majority consisted of mostly white male psychiatrists. The biggest controversial part about the DSM-IV is that the symptoms are still described in a psychiatric manner. Even though more psychologists have participated in it then ever, it still shows a medical model of diagnosing patients which puts less emphasis on external factors such as environmental effects on mental disorders. There are some common issues with labeling in the DSM-IV. Some of the categories for mental disorders are what some people would include to be everyday harmless activities. For example, if someone has a hard time learning mathematics, or writing skills than that could be labeled as a mental disorder.

Also, an addiction to some substances like a nice cappuccino from Starbucks would be classified as a mental disorder because the individual will be viewed as having a substance abuse problem. Furthermore some individuals that do not have a mental disorder may turn out to believe that they do by a simple misdiagnoses. The term that refers to when people believe that they believe something when it is told to them is known as the self fulfilling prophecy. Labels can also have harmful side effects on the individual and cause them to lose self esteem when they think that they are mentally ill. A lot of time, individuals will avoid seeking help to avoid these labels because they don’t want people to think of them differently. The DSM-IV may have its critiques and inaccuracies but it’s still the most comprehensive mental categorizing system currently available.

Like mentioned earlier, there are many categories for mental disorders. A very common one that affects close to 19.1 million Americans is anxiety disorders. If you constantly worry than that could be an indicator that you have some type of anxiety disorder. An anxiety disorder is a psychological disorder that can cause a variety of abnormalities in the motor function. Examples of anxiety disorder include generalized anxiety disorder, phobic disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, panic disorder, post-traumatic disorder, and social anxiety disorder.

I’m going to discuss generalized anxiety disorder first because its one of the more common anxiety disorders. Take this case study for example. Amy is a thirty year old woman and ever since she and her husband have been arguing she has developed a lot of built up tension and nervousness everytime she goes out in public. She feels trembling and usually be perspiring when she comes back from shopping. These are the common symptoms of an anxiety disorder. With phobic disorders on the other hand, the individual has an intense fear of a particular object or thing. A lot of people are informed about some common ones such as the fear of spiders or Arachnophobia, and the fear of closed tight spaces or Claustrophobia. However there are a lot more bizarre ones that people may not be informed about such as Dikephobia or the fear of justice and Geliophobia or the fear of laughter.

A very interesting psychological disorder is obsessive compulsive disorder and the individual has these obsessions to do things in a particular way or order and it is causing them mental distress. For example, they may have a need to get dressed and take their clothes off in a particular manner and if they mess up than they must start over again because they ruined the sequence. These rituals will consume up a vast majority of the individual’s time. Panic disorder is when the individual has periods of deep fear. This usually doesn’t last too long and some symptoms are the individual will tremble and experience a shortness of breath. Next, post traumatic disorder is the feelings of emptiness and depression an individual will experience after a traumatic event such as after a plane crash or abuse/rape. Even though men and women can experience this disorder is more likely to exist with females.

Last, a social anxiety disorder is a fear of being in social situations and being evaluated by others. A classic example is being extremely uneasy and nervous during a job interview.

There has been a lot of attention to a book called “Blink” by Malcolm Gladwell. Mr. Gladwell writes about how we can use our instincts for decision making in situations that don’t allow us the time to think deeply.

Most of us have had enough experiences to have a fair idea of the outcome of our decisions. Its time to start trusting ourselves to do what comes naturally in certain situations. Instincts flare up for a reason. Usually, that reason is survival.

While most of the situations that arise in our lives are not a matter of survival, our bodies might react as if they are. Get to know yourself and your physical responses to situations as they arise. If you are “too blessed to be stressed” your blood pressure should agree.

In fact, your body will tell you when you believe your survival is at stake. How exactly do you feel when you arrive at work? When the phone rings? When a certain person approaches? If you feel like something is terribly wrong in any of those scenarios -it probably is!

Its time to get back to what feels right and possibly time to rid yourself of the situations that feel wrong. It is quite possible to be addicted to feeling revved up, excited, and ready for the worst, but your body is not made to sustain those feelings for long.

Find ways to relax. Develop a plan to do the things that you really want to do. Most important, identify the people, places, and things that cause you to feel like something important is at stake. If something is at stake, address it. If not, find a way to let it go. Your body, mind, and spirit will be ever so grateful.

Dr. Yvonne LaMar is the CEO of the Institute for Faith Based Alliance http://www.IFBAweb.com She also presents workshops, trainings and consultations based on her book, Drama Free Workplace http://www.DramaFreeWorkplace.com

Most people are not aware of the “sitting” language. You can create the illusion of power or equality in your relationship-building efforts by where you sit and where you seat others at meetings, conferences and after-hours events.

Power Position

The power position in a meeting being held at a rectangular table is always in the center facing the door, where the person can see who is coming and going. On television clips, you’ll notice it’s where the president of the United States sits. The second most important position is to the person’s right, the third to his/her left.

Cooperative

Let’s assume in our illustration that person A is calling the meeting. The most cooperative position is next to him/her (B) because there are no barriers between them. People who already know each other frequently assume this position in business and social situations. While it is acceptable and recommended, business people meeting each other for the first time rarely use this position.

The next most cooperative position is C. Business people often use this arrangement at a first meeting or until they get better acquainted. It is recommended for a job interview. It allows two people to be close while still having the corner of the table as a safety zone.

Competitive

The most competitive position to A is D. The table is a barrier between them, and people may become competitive and defensive when seated across from each other. If you have a choice, like in a restaurant, sit in the corner position or ask for a booth. Don’t set up a competitive situation unnecessarily. It can hamper an otherwise potentially positive relationship-building situation. When seated in the competitive position, a person also becomes defensive about his/her personal territory (or half of the table). Don’t accidentally push items into someone else’s space, as it is as much an invasion at dinner as if you had reached into their space and touched them.

Autonomous

A fourth position (E) is autonomous. It’s across the table, and in the position next to competitive. It is where you sit when you need to share a table, and you do not want to be involved with the other person. You might choose it at a library or in a self-serve restaurant. You may have to share space, but not necessarily conversation.

Meetings

You can direct or control responses in a meeting through seating arrangements. Putting chairs in a circle encourages equal contributions. A horseshoe or “T” will recognize and emphasize people at the head of the table. Theater seating or side-by-side says, “You are here to listen, not to talk.”
In a training situation, you can use circles for small group discussions, a horseshoe for workshops led by internal or external experts and theater seating for a keynote presentation. When you add a raised speaking platform, you are giving special status to the speaker, as well as setting up more of a barrier between him/her and the audience. Interaction is reduced; in fact, people usually wait to be called upon.

A client said Lillian could read the IRS tax code and make it interesting. That’s because she combines her natural enthusiasm, confidence and Fortune 100 and entrepreneurial experience to help you build high-value relationships.
Lillian has helped tens of thousands of people hone their business networking, business development and communication skills since starting Duoforce Enterprises, Inc. in 1990. She’s author of Breakthrough Networking: Building Relationships That Last; 52 Ways to Break the Ice & Target Your Market; and the Nothing Happens Until We Communicate CD/workbook series. She’s a contributing author to Masters of Networking.
Lillian is a Certified DiSC® Trainer and an authority at preparing customized applications for your boards of directors, employees, management and sales staffs. She pioneered adaptation of DISC styles to business networking.
Her corporate experience includes 11 years at AT&T where she trained top executives in communication and media relations skills.